I am a Chinese Malaysian banana in China龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.com

我是一个在中国的大马华裔香蕉人！

After a lifetime of being a visible minority, living in China is an oddly liberating experience, a life where I just melt into the crowd.龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.com

在过往的整个人生都作为一个少数民族的我，居住在中国是一种奇异而释然的经历，一种轻易就融入人群的生活。

Here in Shanghai, I am just another Chinese girl with black hair and brown eyes scurrying into the subway, mingling in the park, snacking on the street, shopping in the mall. No one can point me out as Chinese first and Malaysian second, or as an immigrant in the UK, or “the tall Asian girl” in my Canadian elementary school. It’s not that I’ve found my roots in Shanghai or I’ve come to embrace being ethnically Chinese; instead, I’m just darn happy I am like everyone else.

在上海，我只不过是一个黑头发黑眼睛的，像其他人一样挤地铁、逛公园、吃小吃、逛商场的华裔女孩。没有人能够认出我首先是个华人、然后是个马来西亚人，像那个在英国的移民、或是在加拿大小学的“高个子女孩”那样。这并不是说，我在上海找到了根、或是我很喜欢自己的种族身份，而仅仅是喜欢这种和周边来一样的感觉。

That is, until I open my big fat mouth, and the local Chinese person I’m talking to laughs at me, or worse, looks utterly confused.

当然，当我张开我的厚嘴唇之后，和我对话的本地人就会笑话我，或者更糟糕的是，完全困惑的看着我。

Because I can’t speak Mandarin Chinese.

因为，我不会说普通话！

I am learning, am enrolled in a full-time language course at a Shanghai university. But until I finish the course, until I achieve maybe HSK level 6, I refuse to consider myself fluent, and I carry this inadequacy like it’s my biggest shame. I am Chinese who can’t speak Chinese. A banana, the word that’s haunted me all my life. “Yellow outside, white inside!” said my aunties, uncles, classmates, teachers.

我正在上海的一所大学里面全心的学习中文。但在我没有完成课程，或者没有达到HSK-6级(汉语水平考试)之前，我并不认为我能说流利的中文，而且我一直认为这种欠缺是我最大的耻辱。我是一个不会说华语的华人。一个“香蕉”——一个纠缠了我一生的词语——正如我叔叔阿姨同学老师所说的“黄皮白心”。

So what, you might say. After all, there are lots of overseas Chinese who can’t speak Mandarin. It’s nothing to be ashamed of if you didn’t have the chance to learn it, or learn enough of it to be able to communicate like a native speaker.

我有时会说：那又怎样呢？无论如何，现在有很多海外华人不会说普通话。如果你没有机会去学习、或者是能够流利得像个当地人，这也不是什么可耻的事情。

But I’m not just “overseas Chinese.” I’m Malaysian, and I haven’t met a Malaysian Chinese person living in Shanghai who wasn’t fluent in Chinese. There are students of Chinese descent from the US, Britain, France, Sweden, the Philippines, and Brazil in my elementary level at the language school, but the Malaysians (and Singaporeans) are all high and mighty in the advanced classes.

但我不仅仅是个“海外华人”，我还是个马来西亚人，我迄今为止从来没有遇见一个居住在上海的大马华人不能说一口流利的中文。在我语言学校的基础班中，有那些来自于美国、英国、法国、瑞典、菲律宾、巴西的华人，但是马来西亚人和新加坡人都是在高级班和进阶班中。

Many of my conversations with local Chinese people go like this:

我和许多中国人的对话就像下面一样：

Local Chinese: Ni de *something something* de *something something* li mian bu shi *something something* ma?

Me: Ah… what? Sorry sorry, I didn’t understand all of that.

Local Chinese: Oh. You are not local?

Me: No.

Local Chinese: Korean or Japanese?

Me: No no, I am overseas Chinese.

Local Chinese: American?

Me: No, I am from Malaysia.

Local Chinese: Wah! Malaysia! Nice country, I hear! I have a cousin there!

Me: Yes, Malaysia is very nice.

Local Chinese: So why you cannot speak Chinese? The Chinese from Malaysia I know can speak very good putonghua, hen lihai de. Singaporeans also speak very good Chinese.

Me: I never had a real chance to learn… mei xue guo lah.

Local Chinese: Must learn properly.

本地华人：你的“什么什么”的“什么什么”里面不是“什么什么”吗？（用中文）

我：啊...什么？对不起，对不起，我没完全听懂。

本地华人：哦...... 你不是这的啊？(以下用英文)

我：恩

本地华人：日本人还是韩国人？

我：都不是，我是海外华人。

本地华人：美国人？

我：不，我是马来西亚的。

本地华人：哇！马来西亚，挺好的国家，我知道！ 我有个表弟在那！

我：是的，马来西亚很不错。

本地华人：那为什么你不会说中文呢？我认识的马来西亚华人都能说一口非常好的普通话，hen lihai de。新加坡人也能说很好的中文。

我：我从没有一个真正的机会去学.....mei xue guo la。

本地华人：一定要学好。

Or, the usual taxi conversations:

Taxi driver: So which route you want to take? Do you want to *says something in rapid Chinese* or *something else in rapid Chinese*?

Me: Ah… whichever is fastest… sorry, I didn’t understand all of that.

Taxi driver: Korean right? I can tell.

Me: No, Malaysian.

Taxi driver: You don’t look Malay? You look like Asian person?

Me: I am overseas Chinese, raised in Malaysia.

Taxi driver: Oh… quality of life good in Malaysia? High salary?

Me: Okay lah.

Taxi driver: Why you from Malaysia but cannot speak Chinese? My Malaysian and Singaporean passengers all speak such fluent Chinese, Singapore is near you right?

Me: Many Malaysian huaren can speak Chinese… just not me.

Taxi driver: Must learn. The other day I had German passengers who spoke perfect Chinese! No mistakes! They didn’t have strange accents like you.

Me: ……….

有时和出租车司机：

司机：你想走那条路？你想要“XXXX”还是要走“XXXXXX”？

我：额，管他哪条最快.....抱歉，我没有完全理解你说的话。

司机：我猜你是韩国人吧？

我：不，马来西亚人。

司机：你不像马来人啊？你看着不是亚洲人么？

我：我是海外华人，在马来西亚长大？

司机：哦......马来西亚的生活质量不错吧？工资高？

我：还好啦。

司机：那为什么你来自马来西亚却不会说中文？我那些马来西亚和新加坡的乘客都能说很流利的中文，新加坡离你那儿很近，对吧？

我：许多马来西亚华人都能说中文，但是我不能。

司机：一定得学。那天我遇见一个德国乘客，说得一口流利的中文！没一点错！他们没有你那种奇怪的口音。

我：............

If you are a Chinese Malaysian in Shanghai/China who can’t speak “proper” Chinese, contact me. If you are a laowai who speaks perfect Chinese, contact me too so I have more people to be jealous of. In the meantime, I’m continuing my quest to master this darn language, and get rid of the banana stigma, once and for all. Zai jian!

如果以是一个在上海/中国的马来西亚华人却不能说一口流利的中文，请联系我。如果你是一个能够说一个完美的中文的老外，也请联系我，这样我就能有更多可以嫉妒的人了。同时，我会继续努力去掌握这门高深的语言，甩掉香蕉人的污名，一劳永逸。再见！

================

评论

God

January 26, 2011 at 23:50

The real deal would be stop considering yourself Chinese, which will solve you a lot of problems. My parents are french but I’m born in Germany and I never felt unease for being a french-blooded german – the place where I got my education and everything else. When I go to france I say “i’m german” and they answer me “your French is amazing”, and I’m just happy about that. The funny thing is that you are proud of Malaysia but still you want to be Chinese, when you are not.

正确的方法是不要把你自己看做是中国人，这样就解决了很多问题。我的父母是法国人，但是我出生在德国，我从来没有觉得感觉自己作为一个法国血统的德国人有什么问题，我是念德国的书，吃德国的米长大的。当我去法国的时候我会说我是德国人，他们会说，”你的法语好棒“，对此我也很高兴。奇怪的是，你很爱马来西亚，却仍然想做中国人，但你已经不是中国人了。

jj

May 12, 2011 at 21:27

It’s not easy. I’m a Malaysian Chinese and absolutely proud of the fact that I am Malaysian AND Chinese. I don’t know why but I always bring my Chinese pride whenever I am, no matter it was Malaysia, China or the United Kingdom, which are the three countries I’ve lived before. Maybe, just maybe, like Christine said, it is the race-based policies in our country that reminds us that I am ethnically Chinese.

博主回复：这并不容易。我是一个马来西亚人华人，自然而然的我以一个马来西亚人和一个华人的身份为荣。我也不知道为何，无聊我在马来西亚、中国、英国还是i其他什么国家，我都带着华人的自豪感。也许，只是也许，像克里斯丁说的那样，那是因为我们国家那种以种族为基础的政策不停的提醒这我们，种族上，我是一个华人。

jen ambrose

January 26, 2011 at 23:51

Obviously, your English is fantastic. Out of curiosity, what other languages did you learn growing up?

显然，你的英语很完美。出于好奇，你的学什么语言长大的呢？

Christine

January 27, 2011 at 00:03

Race-based policies in Malaysia and being a visible minority have never let me forget I am ethnically Chinese. I will never be a Chinese citizen, but I do want to learn the language.

Jen – English is my first language, and I learned Malay when I was 12, in order to go to school in Malaysia. That’s all.

马来西亚的民族政策再加之作为一个明显的少数民族让我永远也忘不了自己是个华人。我永远不想成为一个中国公民，但我想学这门语言。

@jen   英语是我的第一语言。在12岁的时候我开始学习马来语，为了能在马来西亚上学，就是这样。

Ady（应该是一个在日本的白人）

January 27, 2011 at 00:31

Ha ha, nice. I love the way Japanese people are always amazed to know that I speak four languages. Learning Japanese was probably the funnest experience in my life. But now, I have a chinese girlfriend (not a banana!). Any suggestions for where do I start? Maybe that’s make a good blog post for you.

Also about fluent laowai, try @invisiblegaijin on twitter. not fluent yet but i’m sure he’ll be there soon.

哈哈，不错。我喜欢日本人惊讶于我能说日语的样子。学习日语是我一辈子最有趣的经历。但现在，我有一个中国女朋友（不是香蕉！）。有没有给我学汉语起步的建议？也学你可以就此写篇好博文。

也是关于说流利日语的老外 在@看不出的gaijin（gaijin应该是日语里面的外国人吧，会日语的兄弟请更正）。虽然现在还不流利，但是我相信我很快就能达到那样的水平了。

emmy

January 27, 2011 at 01:27

I know exactly how you feel. I am German and I can’t speak fluent German which confuses many of the Germans I meet. I grew up speaking English and Spanish and didn’t start learning German until I was an adult so I speak with a very heavy American accent and I am forever working on my fluency… although I am not sure I will be able to get rid of the accent.

I also lived in Singapore for a few years. I was so happy to live someplace where I could work and write in English. (which put me back a few years with my German when I returned)

Good luck and enjoy Shanghai such a great place to live!

我很了解你的感受。我是德国人，我也不能说流利的德语，这让很多我遇见的德国人都感到困惑。我在说英语和西班牙语的环境中长大，成年之后才开始学习德语，所以现在我说得一口带着很重的美国口音的德语，我也一直在努力的让自己说得更流利........当然，我也不确定我是否能甩掉自己口音。

我也在新加坡住了几年。我很高兴自己能够在说英语和写英语的地方生活（当我再回去的时候，我的德语又退步了）

Jacquou

January 27, 2011 at 10:24

As a fellow Chinese-learning foreigner, I think I should warn you that “HSK level 6″ and “end of full-time language course” are very far from being fluent.

I didn’t know it at first, and when I first heard about HSK and tried the tests, I thought HSK 8 (for the old one) would be like native level. Now that I am there, I can measure how far I still am from real fluency …

That said, it’s more and more fun as you advance ;o)

作为一个同样学中文的外国人，我觉得我应该警告你”HSK6级“和结束全课时离流利还远着呢！

我一开始不知道，当我第一次听说HSK的时候我做了下题，我觉得HSK8才能算是母语水平。现在我到达了那，我能够感知自己距离真正的流利还有多远。

老话说，你学得越深越有趣。

Michael A. Robson

January 27, 2011 at 10:34

Ah, so you know what it’s like to be a white guy here. Every single conversation, within 3 seconds…

“How long have you been in China”

“X Years”

“Wow! For X years you speak Chinese really well! Can you read too?”

“A bit.”

“Wow. Amazing!”

I actually had that exact conversation when I first came to China… but I’d only been here a couple days..

“How long have you been in China”

“2 days”

“2 years?”

“2 DAYS”

“Wow! For 2 days you speak Chinese really well! Can you read too?”

“A bit.”

“Wow. Amazing!”

[the notion of studying Chinese abroad is still new to many Chinese]

啊，那你知道一个白人在这里的感受么？每个简短的对话都是这个样子的：

”你来中国多久了啊？“

”X年“

”哇，就X年，你中文就怎么好了啊！那你能读中文么？“

"一点点吧"

"哇，真了不起！"

刚到中国的时候我就碰见这样的对话。其实我才来中国几天。

”你来中国多久了啊？“

”两天“

”两年？“

”两！天!“

"哇，才来两天中文就说得这么好，你能认中国字儿么？"

”一点点“

”哇，好厉害“

{在海外学中文对中国人来说还挺新鲜的吧}

jammy

October 18, 2011 at 06:31

im a New Zealand born chinese, i can speak cantonese fluently but native speakers don’t understand me completely, mostly because i have a New Zealand accent LOL, currently im learning mandarin, its so hard, i learnt it when i was younger but i forgot everything, so i needed to revisit everything. so if i ever go to shanghai I will be a banana like you!!!

我是新西兰华人，我能说流利的广东话，可是本地人却不能完全的理解我，主要是因为我带了很强的新西兰口音，哈哈哈。现在我在学普通话，是在太难了。我小时候学过，但是现在全忘了，所以我开始复习，所以如果我去上海的话，应该也和你差不多。

daphne

i want to HUG YOU because i am of chinese/kadazan descent and for the longest time i used to get so much shit in KL (when i was studying there) from looking obviously chinese but not knowing how to speak the chinese language. i’m now married to a Kuantan dude who knows cantonese and mandarin and now i can rest easy knowing that he will order food and it will not end up wrong.i love my culture, im fiercely proud of both my kadazan and chinese heritage, but i’m not keen on learning the language.never have and never will.language is an important part of our culture, yes, but it is not its’ entire focal point.

我都想拥抱你了。因为我是华人和卡达赞人（马来西亚土著少数民族，在沙巴地区）混血后代，长时间来我都习惯在吉隆坡被人藐视了。因为我看起来完全是个华人却不会说华语。现在我同一个kuantan族小伙子结婚了，他能说广东话和普通话，我现在能轻松理解他想吃的食物而不弄错，我喜欢我的文化，我对我卡大赞人的华人的背景非常自豪，但是我不会固执的去学语言，以前不会，将来也不会。语言是文化的重要组成部分，的确如此，但是也绝不全部！